To start this thread, we publish this story to tantalize your humor buds.
Heard this one through the grapevine, told as the truth... As most contractors working away from home for months will know; missing your wife or girlfriend is a t-horny issue. One night while Billy and his wife were chatting on messenger, she told him playfully that she misses him tremendously "ALL of him" if you understand what I mean.
Billy understood, as he is quite happy with his physique. He, a man of action, suggested that they rectify the problem. So Billy and wife Jane decided to buy a “Build your own Willy" mold set from a resourceful product provider as a fill-in for Billy during the long months when he is away. On his next break, they took the set with them on holiday to do what must be done in private and undisturbed. Excited they opened the package: enough mold powder for two attempts, a mold cup, silicon liquid, a thermometer, a vibrating gadget and an instructions pamphlet. As you can imagine; following a recipe, doing a scientific project and getting into a romantic mood all at the same time, is a rare combination. And the instructions were very specific: the water's temperature must be exactly as indicated, the right amount of water must be measured, the mold powder must be divided and mixed, and then the guy must be aroused within 5 minutes to build the perfect replica. After some strategic planning, everything was set up in the kitchen: all the necessary equipment, the ingredients and the two naked people. She tested the temperature of the water, measured the amount of water carefully, mixed the mold powder with the water and then worked to get him excited; he poured the dough mixture into the mold cup, watched the clock and reacted to the stimulation.
Everything worked according to plan, until he put his total package of excitement into the mold mixture which was at exactly 24 degrees Celsius. Just a tad too cold to focus on making a perfect replica, with the result that size was somewhat compromised. But Billy persevered, and allowed the dough to set. Then the next problem occurred. With all the excitement about this homemade toy common sense failed, and the instruction pamphlet didn't give any warning. Billy didn't shave. The mold shape was stuck to the many hairs down there. Billy had to cut the stuck dough mold off with a pair of scissors, after which he shaved what was left of any hair for the second attempt. Yes, Billy and Jane kept their sense of humor and adventure. Even though their first attempt was disastrous, they thought they now know all the pitfalls to avoid a second failure.
The instruction pamphlet gave guidelines on the effect of water temperature on the length of time it takes for the dough to set. If the water is at 26 degrees Celsius, the dough sets in three minutes. They reasoned that is enough time to work up a full blown mold shape. They started the process all over again and despite a little mistake with the amount of water added, it kind of looked like a successful effort. The silicon was mixed and poured into the mould and left for 24 hours to set solidly. However, in the heat and the humidity of the coastal region, plus the incorrect amount of water in the mould mixture, after 24 hours the perfect replica looked more like the drooping fin of the caged orca in Free Willy. "Word to the wise"... even experienced contractors (and their wives) need to remember the basics: Read instructions!